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Worst Macy's Thanksgiving Parade Float Ever!
(alternatively: That's No Balloon!)
(alternatively: That's No Balloon!)
This massive eight-legged, segmented creature floats lazily. A pink fluid oozes from its mouth and the short claws at the end of its limbs.
Zha'arg'll CR 30
CN Colossal magical beast (kaiju)
Init +12; Senses darkvision 600 ft., low-light vision; Perception +48
AC 50, touch 10, flat-footed 42 (+8 Dex, +40 natural, –8 size)
hp 774 (36d10+576); fast healing 30
Fort +35, Ref +28, Will +26
Defensive Abilities amorphous, ferocity, indestructible, reactive reshape, recovery, splashback; DR 20/epic and slashing; Immune ability damage, ability drain, acid, death effects, disease, energy drain, fear; Resist cold 20, electricity 30, fire 30, negative energy 30, sonic 30
Weaknesses vulnerability to cold
Speed 60 ft., fly 90 ft. (poor), swim 90 ft.
Melee 4 slams +49 (6d10+21/19–20 plus 4d6 acid and disease)
Space 30 ft.; Reach 20 ft.
Special Attacks breath weapon (DC 43), disease, engulf (DC 49, 20d6 acid and disease), hurl foe
Str 53, Dex 26, Con 41, Int 3, Wis 34, Cha 28
Base Atk +36; CMB +65 (+67 bull rush or drag, +69 sunder); CMD 83 (85 vs. bull rush, drag, or sunder, 91 vs. trip)
Feats Awesome Blow, Combat Reflexes, Critical Focus, Greater Sunder, Greater Vital Strike, Hover, Improved Bull Rush, Improved Critical (slam), Improved Drag[APG], Improved Initiative, Improved Sunder, Improved Vital Strike, Iron Will, Power Attack, Staggering Critical, Stunning Critical, Toughness, Vital Strike
Skills Fly +10, Perception +48, Swim +48
Languages Aklo (can’t speak)
SQ compression, massive
Environment any cold
Organization solitary (unique)
Breath Weapon (Su) Once every 1d4 rounds as a standard action, Zha'arg'll can expel pink vomit to a range of 300 feet. Each creature caught in the line must succeed at a DC 43 Reflex save or take 20d6 points of acid damage. A successful save halves the damage. If a creature takes any damage from Zha'arg'll’s breath weapon, it is subject to Zha'arg'll’s genetic rewrite disease (with a +4 circumstance bonus on the save against the disease on a successful Reflex save). The save DC is Constitution-based.
Genetic Rewrite Disease (Su) Breath weapon, engulf, or slam—injury; save Fort DC 43; onset 1d6 rounds; frequency 1 round; effect 2d6 points of damage to each physical ability score and staggered for 1 round; cure 4 consecutive saves. Victims otherwise immune to disease are affected by Zha'arg'll’s disease, but they receive a +8 enhancement bonus on their Fortitude saves. Heal does not automatically remove the disease; a caster level check must be attempted as per remove disease, but casting heal grants a +8 bonus to the check. Additionally, dealing 70 points of cold damage to a victim cures the disease.
If any of the victim’s physical ability scores drop to 0 as a result of this disease, it dies and transforms into a puddle of goo. Any creature touching this goo is subject to this disease. At the end of Zha'arg'll’s next turn, any puddles of goo rejoin Zha'arg'll and heal it a number of hit points equal to the slain creature’s total hit points. Any excess hit points are treated as temporary hit points and last for 1 hour.
Indestructible (Su) Zha'arg'll does not die unless it takes at least half its total hit points in cold damage. While it appears dead when its hit points are reduced to a negative amount equal to its Constitution score, its remains go dormant and respawn Zha'arg'll anew after a year. Destroying Zha'arg'll requires dealing cold damage equal to its total hit points and successfully casting remove disease or heal 7 times (using the save DC for its genetic rewrite disease, and subject to its effects on heal) within 10 minutes of dealing the cold damage.
Reactive Reshape (Ex) When Zha'arg'll is targeted by a ranged attack or a melee piercing weapon, it can spend one use of its Combat Reflexes feat to make a combat maneuver check in place of its Armor Class (against touch attacks, the combat maneuver check takes a –8 penalty).
Splashback (Ex) A creature that strikes Zha'arg'll with a melee attack must attempt a DC 36 Reflex save to avoid taking 4d6 points of acid damage and being subject to Zha'arg'll’s genetic rewrite disease. This affects creatures at a range up to 20 feet from Zha'arg'll, but every 5 feet away from it grants a +2 circumstance bonus on the save. The save DC is Dexterity-based.
Zha'arg'll, the Affliction from Beyond the Stars, comes from a now dead world where experimenters sought to create a gestalt mind to unify all the world’s populace. They learned too late they received instructions from powerful and ancient beings which wanted to terminate life in the universe. In a last-ditch effort to save the world, the leaders used magic and technology to jettison the creature into the cold depths of space. Unfortunately, they couldn’t scour the creature’s remnants, and they grew quietly into another creature and, with the world spent of its resources to deal with a repeat of the threat, laid waste to everything. Meanwhile, the original creation drifted until it crash landed in the polar region of its new home. There it waits until it feels body heat and senses intelligence, at which point it will activate and begin its reign of destruction anew.
Zha'arg'll seems relatively harmless despite its size. Its appearance is similar to a tardigrade writ large, and its stubby legs end in seemingly useless claws. However, Zha'arg'll is actually comprised of billions of microscopic tardigrades it can keep to a cohesive whole. When it strikes a target, it sloughs off thousands of the microscopic creatures, inflicting almost no harm to the composite creature. This infestation overwrites the genetic code of the victim, eventually transforming its victim’s flesh and bones into more of itself. When the victim dies, the resulting mass rejoins Zha'arg'll, adding to its mass and restoring any injuries it may have incurred.
When Zha'arg'll “dies,” it explodes in a shower of seemingly inert gore. However, its remaining viable genetic material leaks into the ground and undergoes a dormant cycle where it regrows to its full size after a year, devouring and assimilating whatever fauna it can find. As it grows, the bizarre creature sends out a subliminal pulse to nearby polar tribes This pulse promises great power to those who find it and assume it as a mantle.